Anything worthwhile....

....is never easy.  I am learning this.  Writing, composing, recording, and keeping the vision alive all at the same time have proven to be harder than I originally expected.

I am currently in my third week of recording, while staying active in my church, helping my family with just basic little things, taking random job opportunities and getting ready for my return to YWAM.

May I just say, things as far as circumstances have been great!  But, I have been getting attacked in my thoughts more and more.  "You're not good enough to do this."  "You don't know enough."  You aren't talented enough."  "You don't have the skill."  All of these thoughts keep poking me in the back of my mind.  And yet, I am committed to making this CD project, to the best of my ability.

You'd think I would look at trying to make a worship album through a church, or through a studio.  Or maybe even trying to look at getting a record label.  Try playing a street corner or put some music out through a local pub or bar to try to get some attention.  There are a lot of options.  Yet, in my spending time with the Lord, I keep getting the hint that I'm not supposed to pursue those things.  I keep feeling like He's telling me to press into Him, and the music from His throne will surge through me.

I'm not trying to be arrogant at all when I say that the Lord is telling me, NO!  CHALLENGING me to believe that the music He wants to play and sing through me doesn't need a studio, a label, a financial organization to back it before it goes somewhere.  And to be honest, I don't really want all that stuff.  My heart is to see people worship.  My desire is to see the Lord's creation reconnecting with Him, through whatever gifts and talents He has given me to use.

You'd think there would be peace in this thought.  And there is.  Yet, my mind rages on in battle, telling me lies that I thought I had cast down before.  I thought I had taken these thoughts captive into the obedience of Christ.  Isn't "I have commissioned You, so DO IT!  I will provide for your lack," good enough of a hope and motivation to press on?  It is, if I choose to dwell on it.

Whatever opportunities arise I will test them to see if they are in the Lord's will, or just a distraction from the enemy.  One thing is for sure, I am in a battle of thought for confidence, motivation and faith that God is overwhelmingly more than enough for me.  I am challenged to use what I have to the best of my ability.  Whatever I don't have, God Almighty has more than enough to make up for it.

Therefore, "I press on toward for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus," just as Paul said in Philippians 3:14.

Nothing excellent comes easy.  And I am for sure not striving for "Good Enough".