It has been two years since I left YWAM and returned to Saint Augustine. What a crazy adjustment it has been.
When I first got back, I was bitter, angry and confused. I was in a place of giving up, frustrated and unfocused. I was disappointed in myself because I felt like I had failed in my calling. I questioned the voice of the Lord in my life. I felt like the only voices I heard were doubt and unbelief. I compared to myself to other people and wrapped my identity in how I measured up. The only thing I looked forward to was going out on the weekends, drinking my emotions and trying to escape what I thought was my future.
When plans change, and the outcome looks completely opposite of what was envisioned, it is easy to get lost. It is easy to distract yourself- to tell yourself the outcome will be the present circumstance and that it won't change. It is easy to listen to the lies that Satan plants in your head.
DON'T LET HIM! The past two years have proved to look very different for me than what I originally planned or anticipated since first starting YWAM. But I have realized it has not been for the worst.
I have made mistakes. I have let sin get the best of me. I have let my emotions take control. I have chosen poorly many times. All of this because things weren't turning out the way I expected. But, God is a gracious and merciful God!
Romans 11:28-36 gives us a glimpse of how God's ways are higher than ours. His plan is hard to comprehend, yet "He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28) "His call is irrevocable." (Romans 11:19)
We must claim Philippians 1:6 which states that "He who began a good work in us, will continue that work until the day of Christ!" He will NEVER stop working in us! And praise Him that He won't!
Over the past two years, I have had to deal with a lot of personal things in my life that prevented me from living in the promise God gave me. It hurts to go through the process of healing. But it is good! Being a worship leader at River Oaks Community Church and partnering several different worship ministries have proven to be quite rewarding and fulfilling. Even before that, I had the privilege of starting a live music ministry team from the ground up at a church which had been worshipping to Youtube videos for years before. That church is now growing. The Lord has expanded my ministry and sphere of influence beyond the church body, into my workplace, and the places I visit on a regular basis.
I realized that, as passionate as I am about traveling and international missions, I have a mission field right here in my own town- my own workplace, my family and my circle of friends. God is using me in ways I didn't expect. And I am thankful for those moments.
For those of you who are finding out that maybe life and the dream God has planted in you are not turning out how you expected- PLEASE do not give up. He has a plan. It is good. He invites us to persevere and be a part of it.
